Heartbeat
by vanessalengies
Summary: Oneshot. AU, set in New Moon. Bella never jumped. Edward never went to Italy. Edward comes back to find something that makes him think Bella has moved on...but has she really? B/E, mentions of B/J


I made my way out of the woods in Forks, Washington mentally preparing myself for what I was about to face. I was going to see Bella, _my_ Bella, for the first time in eight months. I had been a fool to leave her, and I was honestly surprised that I lasted this long before coming home to my beloved.

Panic surged throughout my body, and I suddenly wished that Jasper was nearby to calm me down. What if she didn't take me back? What if she found somebody else? What if she was _happier_ without me? I shuddered at the possibility of any of those. A world without Bella was hardly a world at all.

Her house was now in sight, and I was hit by the small of her. I inhaled deeply and sighed, oh, how I loved that smell. However, it seemed stronger than it previously had been. I wondered briefly what the cause of this was, then I merely chalked it up to being away from her for so long that I wasn't used to her scent being so close to me. I had only been able to survive off her scent from memory for so long, and I was grateful that I had it all around me right now, that Bella was close enough for me to touch.

I slowly made my way up to her window, and I glanced inside first, pondering whether or not to go inside. My eyes shifted over to the bed, and there she was, my beautiful Bella. However, as I looked closer, I was surprised by what I saw. Her skin was paler than usual, and she had deep circles underneath her eyes. I compared her look to those of a vampire before I violently shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. Bella was a _human_. She was _never_ going to be eternally damned, and I would make sure of that. I left to make sure of that.

"_Edward."_

I remained still, wondering if she had heard me, but as I looked at her more intently I realized that she was indeed still sleeping, and sleep talking, as I had grown used to in the months that we were together. I smiled at the far away vision of her saying my name in her sleep so long ago, when she breathed out that she loved me for the first time. I went to open the window and step inside when she suddenly sat up in bed, and bolted for her door, hand covering her mouth.

Confused, I opened the window and stepped inside her room, and that was when I heard her, in the bathroom. Puking. I panicked. Bella was sick? Oh, how I wanted to comfort her, rub circles 

on her back, hold her hair back. But those desires were quickly squashed as I heard Charlie wake up and walk out into the hallway.

"_Again…" _He thought, a certain sadness creeping into his mind.

Again? How long had this been happening? What was wrong with Bella? I cursed myself. Why couldn't I have been here? I hated seeing Bella in pain. The thought of her being sick made my dead heart clench painfully.

Charlie knocked on the bathroom door, "Bella, are you okay?"

I scoffed. Why ask the obvious question, Charlie. Sure, he hadn't always been perceptive, but couldn't he understand that Bella puking meant that she was _not _okay?

Then I heard it, the strained, voice of the love of my existence, "Y-yeah Ch-Dad, I'm fine…"

Lies!

"Are you sure Bells, do you… uh, need anything?" Charlie spoke in a tone, awkwardness creeping in, a tone that I was used to with Charlie. He wasn't comfortable when Bella cried or showed any strong emotion.

A cough echoed from the bathroom, then a clearing of the throat. "You could kill Jacob Black for me…" Bella tried to let out a strangled laugh, obviously forced.

Jacob Black? What did he have to do with any of this?

Charlie tried to chuckle also, clearly not knowing what to say, "Uh…yeah. Good night, Bella…"

As he was walking back into his bedroom, his thoughts betrayed his awkward uncomfortable tone. They were angry, hostile, and I was intrigued.

"_Y'know, that might not be a bad idea. Killing Jacob Black…I could get some enjoyment out of that…" _

Jacob Black had caused Bella pain. I clenched both of my fists together. He would not get away with this! I would go find him and--

I was cut off by my vibrating cell phone, and as I glanced down, I inwardly groaned. Alice. Of course. She saw me coming here. I contemplated answering at first, what if Bella came back while I was on the phone? I winced as I heard my Bella puking again, and decided to answer my phone quickly.

"_What?"_ I growled.

"Don't do anything you're going to regret, Edward…" Her tone of voice was wary, and it put me on edge. What was she _talking_ about?

"_What_ are you--"

She cut me off, "_Edward," _she hissed, "Just listen to me. Don't jump to any rash conclusions. By the way, tell Bella that I'm going to be coming in a few days to take her shopping." Her tone turned slightly playful at the end as she hung up on me.

I sat down on Bella's bed, waiting for my love to come into her room. What had Alice been talking about? What was going to happen that would make me react harshly?

I was stopped from my internal battle as I heard water running in the bathroom, Bella flushed the toilet, and was brushing her teeth.

I smiled, even though I was tense. I had been waiting for this for months, and I was finally going to be able to hold Bella in my arms, tightly against me. I could be genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

I watched the door as it slowly opened, and in walked by beautiful Bella. She looked at me when she walked in, and she let out a heavy gasp before falling forward towards the floor. I rushed quickly and caught her before she made any contact with the hard ground. I listened, I heard Charlie's snores, signaling that he hadn't heard anything and slowly brought Bella back and placed her on the bed.

For the first time, I could accurately see her. How tired and pained she looked. Her face looked worn from exhaustion, and I immediately felt guilty. Had I done _this_ to her? I would never forgive myself. But, that wasn't the most shocking part. As I clutched her to me, relishing in her, I fully looked her over, glancing away from her face, at the slight bulge underneath her nightshirt, and I stopped breathing, even though I didn't need to.

Bella, _my Bella,_ was…pregnant.

I sat up straighter, as it all fell in to place. Her scent was magnified by the growing baby inside of her, she was puking, from the not-so-morning sickness, Charlie's lack of surprise and concern, Alice's phone call…

But, most of all, _Jacob Black._

This took on an entirely different meaning, now. She was with Jacob. She was _in love_ with Jacob. She had once told me that lust and love go together for her. She was in a relationship with Jacob Black. He had given her what I couldn't. He had been able to make love to her, in the way that I couldn't. He was able to give her the child that I could _never_ give her. Once again, my dead heart, constricted painfully, an I knew at once that this was a bad idea.

Suddenly, Bella's breathing increased, and I was fully aware that she was coming back to consciousness. I braced myself for the inevitable pain, the pain of her telling me what I feared the most. She had gotten over me. She was no longer in love with me. She was having a baby with somebody else.

Her eyes opened, and they widened, alarm filling her face. She scrambled to sit up, and I assisted her, placing her on the bed, and sitting cross legged across from her, staring into her eyes.

"_Edward," _She breathed, still as beautiful as ever. She looked like she was struggling for words. "W-what are…what's…"

I had to tell her. Even if she was in love with somebody else, having a _baby_ with somebody else, she needed to know why I left, she needed to know that I still loved her, and that I would never stop for the rest of my existence.

"Bella…" I began, "I lied to you."

She furrowed her eyebrows, confusion plain on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but I quickly interrupted, holding up my hand to speak, for fear of not being able to say it if she said anything.

My voice but a whisper as I began talking, "I love you, I have never stopped, nor will I ever. I had to lie to you, I couldn't keep putting your life in danger like I was, it was selfish of me. You wouldn't settle for that truth, I know it, so I had no choice but to lie. I was surprised though, that you believed me so quickly. I thought you would have fought me tooth and nail, for all the times that I had told you that I loved you, and that I wanted you. And yet you believed that tremendous silly lie. I haven't stopped thinking about you these past eight months, I have been miserable. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

I briefly paused to gauge her reaction. She had quietly started crying, and I cursed myself, because I knew that I had caused these tears, these tears were because of my words, I had told her that I still loved her, and she no longer loved me, which would pain me, and she knew this.

"Bella…I know that that doesn't change anything…now…" I briefly looked down at her stomach before glancing back up at her face. "I know that you no longer love me, that you have moved on and I acc--" I was cut off by a finger being placed to my lips, too quick for me to have stopped it. I stared into her eyes, and I was surprised to see a hint of anger glowing in them.

"_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," _she almost growled, "How _dare_ you make assumptions, when you haven't been around to know what has been actually _going on!"_

She took her finger away from my lips before putting her arm down, putting her hand on her stomach, perhaps out of habit, not being fully conscious of the action. But she did not break her gaze from mine, tears still forming in her eyes, her angry eyes, but I could still see the pain behind them.

A horrid thought ran through my head. Had I misjudged this? I thought of Alice had said, about not jumping to any rash conclusions…that paired together with Charlie's negative thoughts about Jacob Black…had Jacob…_hurt_ my Bella?

I couldn't stop the growl that escaped from my mouth, and Bella cocked her head to the side, most likely wondering where this sudden hostility had come from.

I clenched my teeth and I forced out the words that were very hard for me to speak, "Bella," I once again looked down at her stomach, and I knew my voice was getting slightly louder than my whisper, "Did Jacob Black do this to you? Did he hu--"

"_No!" _She gasped out, then shook her head.

I couldn't think of anything to say. What was going on?

"If…if it wasn't Jacob…then who…?" I sounded like an idiot, but I couldn't spit out a coherent sentence.

She sighed, a heavy sigh, "It is Jacob's baby…but, he didn't do anything to me…I was fully engaged in the act…" She blushed, oh, how I had missed that blush.

It hurt. She had sex with Jacob. So she must love him, right? Bella wouldn't have lied to me before, about how love and lust go together, would she?

Sensing this, she continued. "Edward, I don't…_love_ him…if that's what you're thinking…I know what I've said before, and that still goes hand in hand…but, I made a _mistake_. I'm sure you can understand…" She stopped, and took a deep breath, and I noticed that this seemed difficult for her to say. "When you left…I was a shell of my former self…I no longer talked to anybody…I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep, Charlie suggested that I get professional help…"

I winced at the pictures her words were painting, and I knew that I would never forgive myself.

"I started hanging out at La Push with Jacob and his friends, and Jacob made me feel like I didn't have to worry about anything. He was my own personal sun, when the world got dark. I could depend on him…I could tell that he felt something more than friendship for me, but I felt that if I didn't encourage him, then it would go away…"

I couldn't stop the jealously that I was feeling as she talked about Jacob Black. I wish I never left. She wouldn't have to go running into the arms of Jacob…but…what if she hadn't? Where would she be now? I shuddered, thinking of all the possibilities.

"One night, about four and a half months ago, Jacob invited me to a bonfire down at the beach. I went, of course, I had nobody else to hang out with…I got there, and there was Jacob, surrounded by his other friends, and a bunch of other people. He saw me and grinned and ran over to me. He asked me if I wanted a drink, and even though I knew that I shouldn't, I was sick of always doing everything that I was supposed to…One drink turned into many drinks, and before I knew it, I was hanging all over Jacob, him being as drunk as I was…"

I clenched and unclenched my fists slightly. Imagining Bella drunk wasn't good for my temper. How could Jacob allow for that to happen? I pinched the bridge of my nose, then looked at Bella, urging her to continue.

She sighed, "Next thing I remember is him kissing me. And in my head, I was screaming for myself to push him away, not to lead him on like that, I didn't want to kiss him, he wasn't who I wanted…" She stared at me for a quick second, then looked down again, blushing her beautiful blush. "As much as my mind was screaming for me to stop. I didn't. I kissed him back, and I didn't stop. And I didn't stop him when he led us back to his room…I woke up the next morning, and I instantly regretted it. I had slept with somebody that I didn't even love! You're the only one that I had even considered sleeping with, before that happened…"

I breathed a sigh of relief. Bella hadn't been hurt in the way that I feared. She didn't love Jacob…at least not then…but, did she love him now? And if not, did she still love _me?_

"Now…" I started, "Are you…with him, now?" I realized then that my voice sounded like I was begging. Begging for her to say no. In reality, I was.

She laughed, but it wasn't a humorous laugh. "No."

I noticed that the pained expression was more pronounced, and I gave her a look, urging her to explain. "What happened?"

She sighed, "He left. He began to avoid my phone calls. I'd go down to La Push, and Billy would tell me to leave. I was so confused. I was wondering why everybody was leaving me…" I 

winced again, "A few weeks later, to my horror, I realized that I was late, and in our drunken haste, we hadn't used protection…so, I drove all the way to Port Angeles to get the test…When it came back positive, I didn't know what to think. I couldn't believe that I was only 18, and I was going to have a _baby_…then I realized, Jacob wasn't speaking to me, and that I was going to have this baby _alone…" _

I growled. That vile Jacob Black! Leaving my Bella, leaving her to fend for herself, _pregnant!_ I started to shake in anger, and then I was horrified, Bella moved _away_ from me. I felt guilty. I had scared her. As I thought back to previous incidents, I then realized that Bella was only frightened for her unborn baby…that she wasn't afraid of _me._ I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just…the idea of him leaving you to raise a child by yourself!" I shuddered in anger once again, and I resolved to myself, that I would make this right. Boundary line or no boundary line, it didn't matter.

She sat up a little straighter and shook her head, "Edward…I didn't say that! I said he _left._ He did, indeed, leave, but he did come back…"

Now, I was just confused.

Seeing my confused look, she continued, "Okay, I'm going to continue…but only after you promise me, that you _will_ control your anger, and you _won't _do anything extreme…"

I knew perfectly well that I would never do anything to harm Bella, especially now, now that she was more fragile then ever…

"Bella, love, I promise you."

"Jacob had to stay away from me for a few weeks because he…" She paused, not completely sure if she could go on.

Upon my further urging, she continued, "Jacob is…a werewolf."

I felt as if I had gotten slammed into by a wrecking ball. A _WEREWOLF?!_ Bella's friend was a _werewolf!_ I realized something then, Bella said that he _had_ left, that he was now back…I couldn't stop the anger flowing through my body as I thought of a young, _dangerous_ _WEREWOLF_ around my Bella! Especially when she was pregnant! How could she be so thoughtless? Didn't she know what could happen?!

I breathed through clenched teeth, "A _werewolf!_ Bella! Don't you under--"

"Yes," she snapped, "I know _perfectly_ well what that means, _Edward._"

I took a deep breath, to try and calm myself down, I couldn't let this happen! She couldn't be hanging out with him! I stopped to think…if Jacob was a werewolf…then did that mean that there were _others?_

"Charlie knew something was up, and I can't lie, so I told him. I told him about the party, my bad decision, and how Jacob had been avoiding me. Needless to say, he wasn't too pleased…he called up Billy and he screamed at him about how Jacob needed to accept responsibility and stop ignoring me, because I needed him. I was shocked. Jake didn't even know! Charlie couldn't just yell it out to Billy! That night, Jacob knocked on my window, and I let him in, and I was really mad. I didn't like that he'd been ignoring me for so long!"

I almost laughed at the image of Charlie, yelling on the phone at Jacob's father. It seemed to un-Charlie like, but then again, I'd be doing the same thing…if I had a daughter…

"My anger dissolved though, once I saw how much of a mess he was! He looked like he hadn't slept in a month and he was all jumpy. He immediately started firing off questions about the baby and he kept apologizing to me. And then he told me…he wasn't supposed to, according to 

tribe rules, but he said that he had talked to Sam about this, and he agreed to let him tell me the secret of the wolves…"

I swallowed, "So, there are more of them…" It wasn't a question.

She nodded slowly then sighed, "He said he wanted to be there for me and the baby. He said we could be our own little family…I told him that I could never just be with him simply because I was pregnant…it wasn't fair to him…he was hurt. But, about a month later, he had this great new girlfriend, and there was like this magnetic pull between them…its weird to explain…he told me it was called imprinting, a wolf thing, when you find your soul mate and its love at first sight…So he wasn't alone anymore. So that just left me," She then placed a hand to her stomach and smiled a small smile, "And her."

I nodded slowly. Bella was having a girl. She was having a baby. It was all that I had ever wished for her, and I wondered, suddenly, if that's what I wanted for her, then why did this hurt so much? I realized then that this was hurting her more than it was hurting me. She was alone, she was having a baby. This was all my fault. If I had never came into her world, if I had died in that hospital, then she would have never been placed in danger with James, Jasper would never have met her, therefore he would never have attempted to attack her, if he hadn't attacked her, then I wouldn't have left, if I hadn't left, she wouldn't have turned to Jacob, a _werewolf_, and she wouldn't be pregnant, miserable, and _alone!_

"I'm sorry." My voice sounded strangled, I knew it.

She stared at me sharply, visibly confused, "What are you--"

"Bella." I breathed out her name softly, "I have ruined your world…your life…if I had never met you, then you wouldn't have been constantly put into danger time and time again…I wouldn't have left you, causing you to be broken, and you wouldn't have had to go to Jacob, a vile _dog_ to put the pieces back together…you wouldn't have gotten pregnant and you wouldn't be--"

She cut me off, again, now angry. "Don't."

I sighed, "Don't what?"

"Don't blame yourself! Because if I had a choice…to go back and do it all again, or choose a different path…I would choose you, every single time! Because _I love you! And I'm never going to stop!_" She stopped talking, tears threatening to fall, as they often did when she got upset.

Hearing those words, that gave me hope. Hope that I could finally be happy again, finally be with my beautiful Bella again.

Not thinking of self control or Charlie suddenly barging in, I grabbed her face, careful as to not to hurt her, and I kissed her greedily, for I hadn't been able to for far too long.

I wasn't surprised when she kissed be back, and her hands wound themselves into my hair, as they normally did when we were in these situations.

I brought my tongue out and carefully guided it over her bottom lip, causing her to gasp and pull me closer to her, which I had no problem with.

She was the first one to pull away, which was a first, and I smirked. She smiled at me, in the dazed expression she usually has when I kiss her, trying to catch her breathing.

"I love you." She whispered breathlessly and gently fell back, her head resting on her pillow.

I grinned, happiest I'd been in months, "I love you, too."

I could tell that she was exhausted, and I yelled at myself silently, because as I looked at her, I could see the curve of her stomach, and I knew that she should be getting more sleep than ever. I suddenly had an idea.

"Bella, hold still for a minute…"

I slowly moved so that my ear was resting gently against her stomach, listening for a heartbeat. Suddenly, I heard it. The faint rhythm of a small heartbeat, almost in sync with hers. I felt elated, there was a baby in there.

I pulled away and positioned myself so that I was holding Bella, and softly whispered in her ear, "She sounds beautiful."

Almost asleep, Bella had a goofy grin on her face, "That's my girl." She yawned, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she fell asleep. I smirked when I thought of Alice's previous words.

"Bella," I breathed, almost silently, "Alice told me to tell you that she'd be back within the next few days…to take you shopping."

Even close to unconsciousness, Bella grimaced.

I softly chuckled and pulled Bella closer to me, resting my hand on her ever-so-slightly round stomach, and started humming her lullaby.


End file.
